Spiral Illusions
by Hitsugi Zirkus
Summary: Riku held on to Sora's hand tightly and allowed himself to be twirled in endless circles. Soiku !13 Song Shuffle Challenge!


**A/N**: My updates are getting lazy. I'm super grateful to those who are being patient and dealing with me, my procrastination (my friend just called me the Kakashi of fanfiction xD;; Er, thanks?), and my _Pandora Hearts_ updates. I know it's been awhile since I wrote anything KH-related ;w; To make myself feel a little bit better, I decided to listen to music which led to me wanting to do a shuffle challenge. I did thirteen songs because, well. Thirteen. Kingdom Hearts. I think it obvious.

The songs ended up working well owo I ish pleased. For those who don't know how these things work, you put your music player on shuffle. You can't skip songs. You have to write something that relates to the song during its length. You don't always have to make a story out of it, they can stand alone. Mine just happened to work that way (w00t! -hugs mp3-).

I don't own any of these songs, they belong to their mentioned artists. Enjoy, please.

Chapter I: _If I Was Your Vampire_ – **Marilyn Manson**

Of all people, Riku knew the game of darkness well. In more ways than one, it was his ally, his mother, his best friend.

Riku is alone.

As he should be. No one can know what transpires here. The December air is chilly and bites into his skin like a vampire would. The wind blowing around him make him think of a beast breathing coldly down his exposed neck... His eyes fall closed, letting the cold take him. Clutched in his grip, a crumpled white dress like a deformed phantom.

It still smells like her, still carries her tantalizing scent, making the winter beast growl in hunger...

A branch snaps form somewhere behind him and Riku whirls around, sending the forest scene spiraling momentarily before his eyes fall on a boy standing in the shadows of the trees. His azure eyes are wide, watching.

Riku is alone.

And he is lonely.

Chapter II: _Grande Masquerade_ – **Nox Arcana**

Terra helps him tie his long silver hair back. It's such a hassle to deal with that he doesn't know what to do with the damn locks. Maybe he should just cut them. But Terra insists he looks nice, patting his back to signal that he was all done.

"I don't want to go," Riku finally sighs. He plucks at his formal wear, his coat and vest that seem to suffocate him.

Terra gives him a sympathetic look. "Look, our shift isn't even long." He reaches out a hand and ruffles Riku's hair. "All we have to do is guard the ballroom. Look out for suspicious activity."

This is all very easy for Terra to say, Riku thinks as he leans against the pillar of the ballroom, looking out at the dancers in front of him. Dresses billow like flower petals and masks adorn each face. Riku stares at each of their masked faces and thinks, more than once, that he can see _her_ bright face as pale as the moon.

Then he sees the boy with the azure eyes.

Chapter III: _Even in Death_ – **Evanescence**

Before he can even get a word in, the boy is beside him, his face covered with a blue mask glittering like sapphires. Riku doesn't recognize him, and he's seen just about every noble on this side of the country – it was one of his tests when he became a knight, to profile each aristocrat.

This boy he didn't know.

"What's your name?" the boy asks. His voice is sweet and caring.

Riku finds himself answering truthfully.

The boy nods. "You're one of the knights that serves Lady Aqua's family, right?" He holds out a hand, all but ignoring the ball behind him. "I'm Sora."

And then he does something that Riku wishes he could unsee somehow. Sora smiles, making his whole face light up.

Oh God, his smile was just like _hers_.

Chapter IV: _Dead to the World _– **Nightwish**

Riku runs away. He doesn't stop, not even as Sora gazes after him with mercilessly concerned eyes, even as Terra calls out for him. He even stumbles down the stone stairs leading outside in his get away. He tosses aside his boots, running in his stockings into the forest outside the mansion.

He runs runs runs runs runs until he can't hear the music anymore, until the warmth completely leaves him and he's gone into the cold and dark.

And all he can think about is Sora – his smile – his blue blue eyes – oh God, Oh merciful God... Just like her! Just like her!

_Please, O Lord, take pity on me!_

His body falls somewhere in the darkness, lost in his memories.

Beautiful white face, beautiful white dress...so stained in red.

When he looks up he thinks it's her standing in front of him, smiling.

Chapter V: _Escape_ – **Meiko**

"Sick and bedridden. What kind of knight are you?" Terra chastises him a few days later.

He never tells the brunet why it is he ran off. He made sure to wait until the masquerade was over before finally trudging back to the mansion.

When he does go to sleep, he can't figure out what haunts him more – a memory or a boy. Which will win? They both scare him, send his blood turning cold... He just wants to get away from it.

Oh yes, what kind of knight was he?

Terra is at his door. "Hey, Riku, Duke Hikari's son is here to visit you."

Chapter VI: _Silent Knight_ – **Versailles**

He's there right in front of Riku then, dressed in a modest shirt and pants. He looks more like a commoner than the son of a duke. He sits at the foot of Riku's bed, and the silveret does all he can to avoid eye-contact.

Terra has already left, leaving the two of them in silence. Silence.

"Are you going to tell me why you were in the woods with that dress?"

Stolen. Riku's words are stolen by Grief and Guilt and he remains silent. He can't speak. His cheeks are flushed, but from what he can't figure out. There are tears in his eyes.

All the time he had to deal with the memories, deal with what he could've fixed and done right. The memories haunted all the time. Her smile, her face, her voice,

"_I know Riku will always be here to protect me. He is my knight_."

Slowly, unsurely, he travels his gaze upward from the sheets of the bed to Sora's eyes. He doesn't say anything because his words are still stolen, because his heart has been silent about it with anyone else. Still, he hopes with just a glance of his broken gaze, Sora will understand.

Sora's eyes are so blue, so deep, they are an ocean well, but not an abyss.

He stares for eternity, waiting for silent words to be conveyed.

Chapter VII: _Melancholia_ – **Nox Arcana**

Once there was a petite blond girl who loves the color white. She cried for others who had no tears and smiled for those with no hearts. She drew the world according to her, so full of flowers and butterflies, an escape world. She wore her favorite white dress when Riku became knighted.

She was once everything to Riku – his sister, his mother, his best friend. He had known her all her life, and trained everyday to become someone strong enough to protect her.

Was it not enough?

Chapter VIII: _Dance of the Darkness_ – **Blackmore's Night**

This was ridiculous, Riku told himself. His hand was hanging limply as Sora dragged him along by his wrist outside. The doctor hadn't exactly consented for him to get out of bed yet, but Sora came by to go into his closet and begin tossing clothes at him.

"We're going out," he had declared, smiling broadly. Riku hadn't known exactly what he meant other than that the brunet all but dressed him and dragged him into town were some celebration was going on. What the occasion was, Riku didn't know, but Sora was suddenly laughing amongst the dancing and singing townsfolk.

Bonfires were lit and music vibrated the air. The evening sun melted everything to magical hue.

Riku held on to Sora's hand tightly and allowed himself to be twirled in endless circles.

Chapter IX: _Shadow of the Moon_ – **Blackmore's Night**

Sora's breath leaves in a silvery mist as he laughs and exhales at the same time. He flops into the snow and Riku quietly sits down next to him, as equally out of breath. There are still people dancing and singing and eating and being merry. The moon is high in the sky but the excitement never dies down.

His heart his pounding and his body is numb, but his chest feels warm and his head light. He hugs his knees, looking at the brunet next to him. "Why did you bring me here? You don't even know me."

"I brought you here to have fun. I don't need to know you to be able to do that," Sora replies, kicking his feet in the snow.

Riku watches it fly, looking at the white, and thinking of her. "She liked these kinds of things, too," he tells Sora softly, only he doesn't know if he's actually talking to Sora or just saying it out loud. But Riku figures, if Sora can hear him, he doesn't mind.

"I miss her a lot. She was someone I was supposed to protect, but I..." His voice fades like Sora's breath.

Sora gets up and presses his lips on the corner of Riku's corpselike mouth.

Chapter X: _Knights of Cydonia_ – **Muse**

I promised to be there for her. There was nothing I couldn't protect her from. This was something the two of us believed. As long as I existed, she need not be afraid.

One day though, I ended up failing her. It was just once, and it took place in a very small amount of time. Still, that day changed my whole life, and hers, because it was when her life ended.

I wanted to train harder that day. I told myself I wanted to get even stronger. If I could easily say to myself I could protect her from anything, then that must mean I wasn't hard enough on myself yet. So I trained that day in the knights' room, practicing a new technique Terra showed me.

I should've been there, though. Someone had sneaked into her room, cloaked in the darkness of night, and snatched her away. They took her away, far away.

Her parents tried to bargain for their daughter, and when they gave her kidnappers a large sum of money, they tossed her out in front of them. She was tied up and crying. They cut the rope from her body and she was free.

She got up once and stumbled. They shot her. Blood stained her favorite white dress.

I was no knight.

Chapter XI: _Snow White Queen_ – **Evanescence**

Sora takes Riku back to the mansion, still holding his hand. There's a strange sort of warmth where the brunet had kissed him. He remembers pushing Sora off and staggering back, shaking. Then he's on top of Sora, licking and sucking those sweet sweet lips, tongue invading...

They're in Riku's room now, and Riku's eyes are half-lidded and his whole mind is in a haze.

"Don't scream anymore, my love," Sora whispers in his ear as he spreads his naked thighs around Riku's hips.

There's heat melting away everything, and soft moans echoing in the room. Hands touching and fingers gripping, sweat dripping...

When Riku's eyes open, he finds himself lost in that summer-blue...

Would he let the snow-white girl stop haunting him?

He sighs a name in rapture, a name not hers.

Chapter XII: _Diabolo ~Lucifer~_ - **BUCK-TICK**

For the longest time, Riku considered killing himself. Then he realized how cowardly that was, and he was no coward.

He cried endlessly though in the night. He poured his sorrows out to the darkness of night, waiting to choke on his screams of agony, to suffocate on his anger and resentment.

"You're such a sad thing," something inside himself says.

One night he couldn't take it and wraps cloths around his mouth. He bites into it, his forehead beginning to bead in sweat as he grips his dagger in one hand. His fireplace was lit, and it gleamed like hellfire on his blade. In one swift movement he stabbed it deep into his thigh. He screams into the cloth which helps muffle his voice a little but he doesn't stop.

Blotches of blood spray onto his sheets and his shirt as he continues scream and stabbing himself, leaving rivers of crimson liquid in his wake.

Naminé, Naminé, Naminé!

The pain is white-hot. It sends him spiraling down in a hellish daze. He deserved it. He wanted the fire, wanted the pain...

"Farewell, goodbye."

Chapter XIII: _4 in the Morning_ – **Gwen Stefani**

It's dawn when Riku opens his eyes. There's a light-bluish light coming into his room from his window. His thighs ache and as he glances at the boy sleeping beside him, he figures out why. His cold fingers traces over his skin, sticky with body fluids and the flesh of his thighs bumpy from the scars he had given himself from the stab wounds.

Riku sighs and runs a hand through his hair. The dawn is cold but Riku doesn't bring the blankets closer to him. He looks outside his window at the light colors smearing the sky. The beautiful pastel colors _she_ loved to draw with. He finds himself smiling, and his vision momentarily grows blurry with tears.

"_Riku is my knight!_"

He swallows the saliva in his mouth. Tastes blood and cum and sweat and sorrow and Sora. The taste would forever linger in his mouth. The regret would also be there. And the pain. Riku's dagger is hanging in its sheath next to his bed. The real physical pain could start again if he wanted it to.

"I want to make it worth the fight." There had to be a reason Riku hadn't already killed himself.

When Sora rouses and opens his eyes, Riku thinks he finally knows what the deep blue orbs contain – forgiveness.

Sora and Naminé had the same eyes after all.

* * *

><p><strong>Ending AN:** I love how great the songs came together. Except that last one. Gwen Stefani y u troll mah shuffle challenge? I was thinking some super sad ending was going to happen, but alas... Oh well.

So who has seen the sexy 8-minute trailer of _Dream Drop Distance_? 8D 3DS...I must obtain! ;w; Feel free to drop a random message if you feel like fangirling/theorizing/discussing with me on the matter 8B

This is just to tide my KH readers over because I'm procrastinating my deadlines for _Hybrid Theory_ and _I'm Not Breaking_ :'D


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